🔮 Hope Is a Scam (But We Have Merch)

It’s Sunday night. Again.

Your mind is hazy with the burden of false hope and productivity planners that never deliver. You’ve cleaned your kitchen, reset your vibe, and even told yourself this week would be different.

But deep down, you know what’s coming.

The inbox.

The pings.

The calendar invites that multiply like corporate gremlins.

At Silly Sausage, we don’t believe in false hope.

We believe in functional delusion — accessorized with sarcasm and merch that quietly screams “I’m coping” in pithy prose.

💡 False Hope Red Flags

• Telling yourself “I’m going to get ahead this week” as a flood of Sunday email notifications roll in
• Scheduling gym sessions like you won’t cancel them all after two more “quick chat?” requests
• Starting a new notebook to pretend you’re a new person
• Updating your LinkedIn headline to fake progress in a career you mentally left months ago

🛒 Tools for the Optimistically Unwell

• “My Dreams Are Dead | At Least I’m Getting Paid” Mug – Sip your hope one corporate disappointment at a time
• “Working Hard on Not Working” Mug – A vessel for caffeine and high-functioning delusion
• Empty Dreams Notebook – For journaling, doodling, or pretending to have a plan
• “Scrolling Through the Pain” Phone Case – Because this week’s productivity goals were always a lie

✉️ Accept No Hope, Only Humor

Shop the full collection here and subscribe to the Sausage Grinder for biweekly dispatches of snark, emotional instability, and products that understand the assignment.

💬 “I think this week will be better.”

– You, lying to yourself for character development